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Faith heals

updated 16/11/07

This story is written about Jeff’s adventures with cancer and faith by Jeff and his mum, Joan.

In December 1999 I noticed a pain in my spine. I was already suffering from Arthritis and Spondolosis. I knew the pain was different to that I usually experienced. At this point I had not met Dharma. I had been told that the lump now formed on my spine was first of all a depository for the bone which was crumbling from my spine. Also that it was a fatty cyst. Weird as it may seem I knew it was neither but it was cancer. So I fought for and got tests done for cancer and after the holidays got a call from my G.P.'s surgery to go see him at which point he told me my suspicions were indeed correct and it was cancer in my spine.

The story of Jeff is so inspiring and is proof that through having faith in our Spiritual Guide we need not worry or have any fear. Jeff regards having had cancer 11 times as a gift which has enabled him to find his true spiritual path which has transformed his life.

When Jeff was told he had cancer of the spine he was very angry and would not accept that this could happen to him. He struggled with painful treatment and the side effects before he could even inform his parents or friends. In time he went into remission and seemed calmer. Shortly afterwards he got another spinal tumour and also a secondary on his kidney. More painful treatment followed but by this time he had started to attend Kadampa Buddhist meditation classes. He became more relaxed and found things easier to cope with. There was another remission.

The next tumour was a brain tumour. He decided that he would like to help other cancer sufferers and said he would have untested chemotherapy. Some treatments were so painful and had so many bad effects that they had to be discontinued. He then also got a tumour on his retina and then also on the cornea of his eye. He had no sight in his eye and was told that his eye would need to be removed. During this time his kind teacher would visit him and give teachings and meditations. The brain tumour was growing and Jeff was told that he would soon become paralysed. Still he continued to take part in chemotherapy trials and his practice continued to grow stronger.

Finally arrangements were being made to remove his eye. On his return from hospital after his treatment he was having a shower and singing mantras as usual when he grabbed his towel and dried his face he realised that he could see! He phoned his consultant who said that it was not possible and at best would soon go again.

Next day he was seen by the eye surgeon who was going to remove the eye and he could not believe that Jeff's sight had returned! He was saying it was not possible but John who is Jeff's consultant said so many seemingly 'impossible' things had happened during the time he had been treating Jeff that now he was no longer surprised by any thing! Shortly after that the brain and eye tumours began to shrink quickly and once again he was in remission.

Then after another short remission a stomach tumour was diagnosed. Lots more painful treatment began and through out this Jeff's faith continued to grow and he would only accept the trial treatment as he knew that others would benefit from this. His teacher continued to visit him and although he was so ill he was very happy and peaceful. Then again he went into remission.

A few months later another type of brain tumour was found and all the usual treatment began again. Some times the untested treatment was so painful and caused many unknown side effects that due to Jeff's experience it was discontinued. He always said that he was glad that he had been the person to experience this pain as it saved others from having to do it.

Some times the doctors gave no hope that he would recover but Jeff's faith continued to grow stronger through the kindness of his teacher. He feels a great connection with Avalokiteshvara and realises the importance of having great faith in our Spiritual Guide. In time he went into remission yet again.

Then the next tumour was a very aggressive type which was in his stomach again. This one grew very rapidly. No treatment could shrink this tumour and with the other ones he had been told by doctors at various times that he only had a few months to live but this time it was 2 weeks!

He was very ill and the tumour rapidly grew to the size of a melon and at Jeff's request all treatment was stopped. His kind teacher visited him frequently and gave him advice and meditations. At this time Jeff began to give away most of his belongs and soon did not have much left but he had no attachment to anything. Friends and family came to say Good bye.

Then one evening he became violently ill and called his McMillan Nurse in. She was amazed at what she found and took samples which were later found to be bits of tumour which had suddenly broken up. A few days later a scan showed that the stomach tumour had gone.

Doctors and every one were amazed but Jeff just accepted it and said if we just learn to rely on our Spiritual Guide with deep faith we will always be happy and have nothing to fear.

After this he had a longer break from cancer and went to Manjushri Kadampa Meditation Centre to learn how to fill statues and how to do gilding and his practice is the main part of his life.

Then in October 2005 he was again found to have yet another brain tumour. As with all the previous cancers he said he would only have the untested treatment and this was given again. He became blind in one eye and was told that he would also lose the sight in his other eye and also become completely paralysed. He said he did not mind what happened to him but he hoped he would still have his hearing so that he could continue to listen to the teachings.

Once again removal of his eye was discussed and then while doing a Green Tara puja on December 8 which was also his birthday he slowly realised that his sight had returned! He phoned John his consultant who said that it was not possible but he would examine his eye next day when he was there for the chemo. He again was amazed and even today he says that on examination his eye has not changed and there is no reason why Jeff should have sight in that eye.

All the chemotherapy was very painful and he needed many blood transfusions and rejoiced in the kindness of all the living beings who gave their blood to help others. Then in March he went into remission yet again.

By this time many people in the hospital knew of Jeff and his story. Staff and patients alike are all amazed how happy and peaceful he is no matter what happens to his body. Many patients and also doctors and nurses have asked him to teach them meditation. John who has been Jeff's consultant through all of this now meditates every day and he says how much his life and beliefs have changed. He is now one of Jeff's closest friends and many times he asks him to come and talk with some one who is angry and frightened. Jeff is sure that he is still in this life to help others and he never stops doing all he can to benefit any one who needs his help.

This has been a short remission as nearly 3 weeks ago another very aggressive tumour has been found in his stomach again. He is having chemotherapy every day except Sunday. He is at the hospital for 5am and gets up each morning to do his practice before he goes. He is having a great deal of pain in his body at this time but continues to help all the other patients and to remain happy and peaceful.

The story of Jeff and how he looks on his illness as a wonderful life transforming gift is a perfect example of true faith that Holy Dharma and complete reliance on our Spiritual Guide is the only medicine. Today he has undergone some very painful procedures but he can accept what ever happens and has no attachment to any thing.

July 18 2006 Jeff continues…

I feel it is very important to keep your mind happy and peaceful no matter what happens to your body. When I was visiting hospital for my chemo, I met a boy who was only 14. His parents came in with him every time so that he could have his chemotherapy. One day he asked what the beads were I was running through my fingers. I told him that they were called a mala and you said things called mantras on each one. He asked what a mantra was so in simple terms I explained. He asked me to teach him one and asked if he could hold my beads. He held the mala and began to recite OM MANI PADME HUM.

His father returned to the ward and asked what he was doing and where had the beads come from. He told his father that they were mine and then explained the mantra exactly as I had told him. After a while of reciting he asked if it could be sung like prayers and I said we could. At this time every one else in the ward was reciting too.

I said you had to imagine a cushion, a green cushion and going round that cushion like the sign in reception where it gives waiting times and tells you to switch off your mobile, with the letters moving along the sign. All you needed to do was to imagine OM MANI PADME HUM going around the cushion like that. They all understood that so then I began singing the mantra and all the patients, the parents, the doctors and nurses and even my consultant all joined in with the singing of the mantra.

Every week the boy and every one else would ask if we could all have a sing song which we did. After a while the boy and his parents asked me to teach them some meditation and I taught them to meditate on the breath. Then we moved on to Taking and Giving. After quite some time we moved onto radiating Avalokiteshvara's lights which my kind Teacher had taught me.

Eventually the boy died and I was so fortunate to be able to do Transference of Consciousness for him.

Over time there were quite a lot of patients who I was able to help by teaching meditation and to train their minds to remain happy and peaceful.

Another young man came into the ward. He was very vain, 'perfect hair', suntanned and just diagnosed with cancer. He was very angry, the same as I was with my first diagnosis. He used to swear at me and call me horrible names. The other patients would keep asking why I would just smile as the things he said were very hurtful. I explained that they were only words and had no effect on me at all and that this lad was angry and hurting and felt that he needed to direct his anger at me.

After a while he was admitted to hospital. One evening I got a call from my consultant to say that he was asking for me and would I see him. I went to see him and he was still angry but he asked me to teach him some meditation. I was happy to do this as I remembered the help given to me by my kind Teacher when I first met Holy Dharma. So we began meditating on the breath and I continued to work very closely with him. As time went on he would meditate during his treatment, scans or any thing else which he found to be painful.

I was called to the hospital one night because he was seriously ill and I had promised to 'do the death thing' as he called Transference of Consciousness. When I got there he was very weak. I had taken Joyful Path of Good Fortune, a little stupa, my CD and sadhana of Transference of Consciousness with me. I placed Joyful Path of Good Fortune on his head and the stupa on his root mind and I began to chant OM MANI PADME HUM. He, his girl friend and his mother all joined in. When he died his last word was HUM and his mouth was still in the shape of HUM. I then sat crossed legged at his feet on his bed and proceeded to do transference of consciousness for his mind. His mother and girl friend later asked if I would lead a sung chanting of OM MANI PADME HUM at his funeral and also teach basic breathing meditation, which I did.

Since that time it has been my aim to help other living beings to train their minds through meditating to always remain happy and peaceful, especially at the time of death.

I was given the opportunity during my last but one stomach cancer when I was told that I had 2 weeks to live to be able to stay in this contaminated life to help all living beings in any way I could. My consultant set things up so that I could help others to have a peaceful mind at the time of their death. I am very fortunate.

Now I have been told that I have 4-6 weeks to live myself and through the kindness of Buddha Avalokiteshvara I am able still to help people in hospital to start to train their minds when I go in for treatment myself. Depending on my karma I may leave soon or I may continue in this life trying to help all living beings. It is so important that we try to help all beings as infinite as space in any way we can. 

I dedicate to all living beings as infinite as space that they may find Buddha Dharma in this life time so that they will benefit as I have. I also dedicate to Joan and Gordon my kind parents for giving me the opportunity to meet Holy Dharma. If it had not been for my kind parents in this life time going to a meditation class local to them and telling me what they were being taught, I would not be able to do any of this.

28 th July 2006 Joan continues the story. Jeff’s Centre dedicated six session Tara chanting to him.

Jeff has had another scan today and there is more tumour shrinkage. John, the consultant says he knows with out a doubt that this is not due to the treatment but is through the dedications and prayers for Jeff. He also said that the shrinkage began after the Tara Pujas were started! He has gone from seeing every thing through the eyes and mind of a scientist to a caring, meditator with great compassion who now firmly believes in the power of the medicine of Holy Dharma.

So Jeff remains happy and peaceful and always accepts what ever is happening to his body. He does not become attached to results and with each cancer he becomes more peaceful and compassionate. He has been up since 3am as he does his practice before he goes to hospital for treatment or scans. He continues to help many cancer sufferers and will continue to do so for as long as possible.

Two weeks ago he was feeling very ill when two men who were Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on his door. He told them that he was a Buddhist and they were very interested and of course wanted to talk. Jeff could not stand for very long so he invited them in. They began by saying that they wanted to talk about a subject that was never mentioned but they had 'all the answers' and the subject was DEATH! Well Jeff said death was his favourite subject and they were gob-smacked. They asked why and he told them his story. They commented on how well he looked now after giving their thoughts on death. They were amazed when they were told that he actually had cancer again and had been given a short time to live yet again. They then asked many questions like why he was so happy and peaceful when he had been given such bad news. Also why was he not angry that he had worked so hard in his garden and would not be there to enjoy it? Jeff said it was because he wanted the next person who lived there to enjoy the garden as much as he had so he kept working and enjoying every thing he saw. They soon left as they had obviously not met this sort of thinking before and did not know what to say. They will surely benefit from the imprints of the meeting.

One of the lads that Jeff is helping at the hospital has a lot of anger and is very abusive to every one who wants to help him. He keeps saying that he has more pain and much more suffering than anyone else in the whole hospital. He has now started to meditate and very slowly has become much calmer. Two weeks ago he saw that Jeff had to have a very painful procedure. Afterwards he then said that he now realises that he is not the only person to have pain and he realised that others also had suffering. Jeff told me that he was so happy to hear this lad say this and that he would endure any amount of bodily pain to hear this lad show such compassion. The following day several of the patients were doing some meditation being lead by Jeff and then at the point where Jeff would usually begin the chanting of OM MANI PADME HUM his voice was so weak that he was barely audible and the lad realised what was happening and he began to lead the chanting. How wonderful that through changing his mind he has been able to change his world.

Two weeks ago Jeff had asked his kind Teacher if he would 'do' his funeral as he had been given a very short time to live due to the rapid growth of the tumour in his stomach.  He just accepts every thing and believes that faith in our Spiritual Guide and Holy Dharma are the only things we need to make the most of this precious human life and finally gain enlightenment for the sake of all living beings.

6/8/06 Jeff continues…

As I mentioned earlier I now have cancer of the stomach and was given nine to twelve weeks to live with the tumour filling 1/2 of my stomach. Unfortunately, I developed a mind of anger towards someone I knew at the time. Through the mind of anger, on my next scan the tumour had grown to fill 3/4 of my stomach and my life expectancy shrank to four to six weeks. This just goes to show how delusions in your mind can affect your body causing sorrow and pain as Geshe-la keeps on telling us. I however am very lucky as I managed to dispel the delusions and focus again on my practice. It is so important that no matter what we do not to let the mara of delusions poison us and this was proven by my tumour growing.

I then started to vomit blood and tissue and suffer great pain in my body for which I called my nurse to give me pain relief. The samples she took showed it was actually the lining of my stomach that I was vomiting and passing caused by the experimental chemotherapy I was having. I was getting very weak and had to have anti-sickness drugs. The after affect of this was the blood was building up in my stomach and there was a chance it could poison me so it was sucked out by a suction machine. My consultant decided to stop the anti-sickness drugs and leave it to pass naturally, then it stopped.

My Centre started doing Green Tara Puja's for me and just as they were ending I started to pass blood and tissue again but this time it was the tumour breaking up.  The tumour went from 3/4 of my stomach to 1/2 my stomach. Then my life expectancy was raised back to nine to twelve weeks from four to six weeks. Since that time I have had 2 more scans the first showed that it shrank yet again to the size of a tennis ball. My most recent scan has shown it is now the size of a golf ball and it has been decided that the cancer is no longer threatening my life.

I feel it is important from the story of this cancer for people to realise how we need to keep constant check on our minds every second of every day to make sure we are happy and peaceful as delusions only cause suffering, sorrow and pain. This is proven to me by the growth of my tumour and my life expectancy shrinking.

On October 1 st 2006 Jeff wrote

Once again the tumour shrank to the size of a pea. It was that size for 2 weeks until I went for my scan on Friday. In this time it has grown again and is now filling half my stomach again. I also have flu and a chest infection and feel quite weak at the moment due to over exertion.

I think it is also important to tell you about a dear friend of mine who needed help to move her mother (aged 65 and quite ill for some six months) and her 70 year old father to a new house they had just bought. Unfortunately, completion was on the Friday and my friend’s mother became very ill at home and was taken into a local hospital on the Sunday. The move I must add had gone on for five months and they were very stressed by this.

However I helped pack the remainder of the old house up and slowly box by box we started to move to the new house and get unpacked. All that this wonderful lady wanted at the time was to move into her new home. I helped out with clearing the old house and preparing the new garden ready for them to enjoy. They delighted in their garden.

The lady had been waiting for 10 days for a scan and went for it on the Wednesday afternoon. She was very sleepy and weak when she returned. On the Thursday my friend and her family all went for a meeting with the consultant. They were told that this wonderful being had cancer throughout her body and would die that day. At one point they were told that she had no more than two hours to live, which took us to around 2pm. I went to the house to help my friend and her husband and an aunt to deal with the news by offering a Buddhist perspective. The lady died at 10.30pm that night with her daughter at her side. Fortunately on Friday I was able to do transference of consciousness for this wonderful person and I am now dedicating for all her family every day in my practice.

I found out about myself on Friday and am quite weak now as my immune system is so low due to running myself down physically. Because of the infection I need to keep away from people. I’m still practicing with firm faith in our Spiritual Guide.

I have decided not to undergo any more chemotherapy as I believe my Spiritual Guide will make happen what ever is meant to happen with my Karma. I honestly feel I am so lucky to be able to purify in this life time. My mind is happy, peaceful and totally blessed by meeting Buddha Dharma.

Rely on your Spiritual Guide and all is good.

7th November Joan writes...

Following a scan at the end of september the tumour in Jeffs stomach had increased in size and now filled over 50% of his stomach. At this time he also had a chest infection and he was feeling quite ill. Two days after the scan he was informed that after re-examination the scan showed secondary tumours on the base of his brain and on his spine. With each day the infection got worse and was found to be a viral infection. By this time Jeff was not eating and had become very weak. He was too ill to go for his weekly scans and he had lost a great deal of weight due to his inability to eat.It seemed that Jeff did not have long to live at this point.

Prayers and dedications for Jeff were being made by kind Sangha from around the world at the Fall Festival in New York where Geshe-la was to grant the Empowerment of Medicine Buddha. On October 20 Jeff finally had another scan and no tumours could be found! He was asked to return one week later 'TO CHECK!'

The consultant was once again amazed to find that Jeff was in remission again! He will return to the hospital in 6 weeks to have a check up!

He has started to eat again and is regaining his strength and he says he is feeling better with each new day. In Jeff's many 'battles with cancer' this latest one has been the toughest due mainly to the infection. How ever when he is restored to health again he will continue to help other cancer sufferers as his experience gives hope and a peaceful mind to many others.

We know that the remission may be short but with patient acceptance this time will be used skillfully.

Jeff on 20th june '07

..."Its so odd cos as you probably know via Lee I have been filling Statues again for Compassion Center, I have been getting a lot of head aches so decided yesterday I needed to talk to John after shrine ( A thing I do especially if I have questions) I thought it was just headaches from the work I've been doing & the positions I need to sit in to work. I called John yesterday & have just come back & told Mam & Dad then came on here to mail you to tell you. So weird to find your mail ha ha ha as was mailing you to tell you what has happened.

Joan continues...